Why I love John Mayer

Call me old-fashioned, but if I really enjoy listening to a particular artist, I actually buy physical copies of their CD's.   One sultry male voice that my ears can't get enough of is the infamous womanizing guitarist/songwriter/singer John Mayer.  If you've ever seen a recent picture of him, it screams "player."   This does not, however, have any real bearing on how much I love his music.  Everything, from the melodies, the instrumentation, the tear-drenched love lyrics, the agonized voices that is beautiful through it's broken pain.... I love all of it.  Shamelessly.  Needless to say, I've recently purchased three of his CD's and I've listened to them almost non-stop since they get here (alternating with my new Adele CD's of course...).  It is particularly painful and wonderful to listen to Mayer at the moment because of how much these songs relate to my life.  Here, I've pulled a sampling of the lyrics that have made me cry with relief or writhe in heartache and understanding recently.

Sometimes, his songs perfectly describe how I feel towards a few people in my life at the moment..

~You can cross the line whenever you want to / I'm calling it love soon
~God know I'd love you if you'd let me / but I can't break through at all...
~This is the deep and dying breath of / this love that we've been workin' on
~Over you / I'm never / over you / there's something about you / ... the way you move me....

Other times, it's what I say out-loud to verbally process what's on my heart and mind...

~I'm perfectly lonely / I don't belong to anyone / and nobody belongs to me.... 
~One more thing, why is it my fault? / So maybe I try too hard . But it's all because of this desire / I just wanna be liked...
~Anything other than yes is no / anything other than stay is go / anything less than I love [him] is lying.

Then it frightens me, because I see how my love so abundant can be my undoing, as my love for others overrides love for self, and even sometimes self-preservation and plain-old sensibility.

~Oh I'll never know what makes this [wo]man / with all the love that [her] heart can stand / dream of ways to throw it all away...
~Friends, lovers, or nothing! / there'll never be an in-between / so give it up


Some of the time, I feel like he's singing just for my ears only...

~Hold on to whatever you find baby / hold on to whatever will get you through / hold on to whatever you find baby / ....

Then I realize, it's me who's singing...

  ...  / 'cuz I don't trust myself with loving you / ....

~I'm in the war of my life / I've got nowhere to run / If fear hasn't killed me yet, then nothing will / got no choice but to fight on / so fight on! 

But in the end...

~Say what you need to say / even if your hands are shaking / and your faith is broken / even as your eyes are closing / do it with a heart wide open / say what you need to say


I live in a broken world, a world where I am too shy and too illiterate to really "say" any of this.  If John Mayer were to listen to my heart and incline his ear to the thoughts of my mind, he would not have put together songs that better fit me.  Almost like he's singing "it's ok, I understand.  You're feeling like...." etc etc.  The lyrics I have posted above sound like little more than just words when spoken plainly, but in their given songs, they "say" more than could ever be said.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, a song is ten thousand words, delivered in one moving creature.  A girl can bury her face in this creature's mane and have it's breath warm her very soul.

And that is why I am grateful for music.  That is why I love John Mayer.

Words

Disappointment.

That's a word I keep coming back to when I think about you. About what you've done to me.

Curiosity - a word that helps define what you are in my mind.  An enigma. Intriguing in a delightful way. A stand out.  I used to think that you were a one-of-a-kind diamond in the ruff type that was well hidden beneath layers of modesty.  Now I see how much of that was a misconception.

Confused - a word I used to help describe my thoughts on the issue.  So many things to make me think...  We're so alike, it's scary....we value the same things....oh my, he really likes me too!...Ah, he's a keeper!.....   Your actions and words linked arms with my heart and mind and lead them down a path that dead-ended in the ugly truth.

Hope  - It is my most sincere hope that you are the wonderful person I first knew you to be.  I hope that the others are wrong about you, that they simply don't know you well enough to know you heart like I do... or like I thought that I did.

Worry - was it something that I said, did, or didn't do, that has mad you withdraw your previously glowing displays of affection for me?  I warned you about my walls, I thought you'd understand.  I thought  I was acceptable in your eyes.  Am I not?


To the girl who betrayed my trust

scathing - this is the sharp, burning sensation your words and actions leave on me

cold - your attitude towards me, the unloving and unfeeling way in which you regard me nowadays.

Jekylle and Hyde - That's you.  One week you're laughing with me in giddy excitement, calling me sister, displaying such wonderful strides of friendship.  Four days later you call me out on my personal flaws in front of people for whom I'm supposed to be a leader.

Disclaimer - this post was written last semester and never posted.  I have since moved on and taken the high-road in both of these situations.